It’s 6:43 AM, and I’m staring at two emails.

The first announces a significant challenge at work. The second is from my daughter’s school, celebrating her selection as “Leader of the Week” complete with a photo of her beaming next to a poster about servant leadership.

The irony isn’t lost on me.

The night before, I skipped her bedtime routine to prepare for a board meeting. “Daddy has work” I’d explained. She nodded with that understanding that somehow hurts more than disappointment.

Now, looking at her photo, I wonder which of us better understands what leadership means.

The pressure feels physical. A familiar weight between my shoulder blades.

Our investors want aggressive growth. The market demands innovation. My team needs direction. The board expects results. Each morning, my calendar orchestrates a perfect dance of meetings, decisions, and deliverables that will theoretically drive us toward these goals.

But lately, I’ve started asking: Whose goals are they?

During an executive retreat, I watched my team brainstorm our response to the setback. A bunch of responses that were coming from a place of pressure and wanting to appease the pressure.

The clarity of childhood wisdom.

I think about the pressures I’m passing down. When my son struggles with reading, do I worry more about his learning or his grades? When my daughter shows leadership, am I prouder of her values or her victory? The pressure to “succeed” is seductive. It comes with metrics, benchmarks, and clear external validation. It’s harder to measure the success of staying true to your values, of building rather than beating, of leading with purpose rather than pressure.

I make a different choice.

Instead of rallying with competitive fire, I share a vision of what we could build. Instead of chasing the metrics that would look good on the next board deck, we discuss the impact we want to create. Some of the team is uncomfortable. It’s easier to follow a market than to redefine it. But in their discomfort, I see engagement. In their questions, I hear hope.

That evening, I make it home for bedtime. My daughter shows me her leadership poster, covered in quotes from her classmates. “They said I help them feel brave,” she tells me. I recognize that balance. The weight of others’ trust, the pressure to live up to it, and the strange lightness that comes from accepting that pressure as a gift rather than a burden.

Later, I draft two emails. The first is outlining a new direction. Not a retreat from competition, but an advance toward purpose. The second is to my daughter’s teacher, volunteering to talk to the class about leadership. Both feel right in a way that statistics and strategies never quite did.

The pressure hasn’t disappeared. If anything, choosing your own path comes with its own intense gravity. But there’s a difference between the pressure that pushes you away from yourself and the pressure that molds you into your better form. One is a distortion. The other is growth.

Understanding Pressure’s Purpose:

1. Source Check:
   • Is this pressure pushing you toward or away from your values?
   • Does the outcome serve growth or appeasement?
   • Who defined the measure of success?
2. Leadership Reality:
   • Leadership creates positive pressure that builds rather than breaks
   • External pressure tests values; internal pressure refines them
   • The best leaders absorb pressure to create clarity for others
3. Practical Steps:
   • Start meetings with purpose, not just metrics
   • Audit your decisions for pressure points and sources
   • Create space between stimulus and response
   • Build support systems that encourage authenticity
   • Model the behavior you want to see in your children and those you work with

Pressure is like water. It can erode or nourish. The difference is not in its presence, but in its source and how you channel it.

Stay Curious and Lead A Life of Purpose,

John

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