I hit my breaking point four years ago.

On paper, everything looked successful. But inside? I was anxiously navigating through life, constantly fixated on the future without being present. Then doctors found a tumor in my hip.

The diagnosis wasn’t just physical, it was existential. While lying in the hospital bed awaiting surgery, I confronted a devastating truth: I’d been measuring my life’s worth by checkboxes on an achievement list rather than by moments of genuine connection and purpose.

In the years since, I’ve transformed physically (losing 40 pounds), developed a daily meditation practice, and discovered a kind of inner stillness I never knew was possible. But here’s what surprised me: the dietary changes and meditation apps were the easy part.

The real transformation wasn’t physical. It was how I completely rewired my relationship with goals by putting values first.

Let me be brutally honest:

I’m not sharing this because I’ve mastered it. I’m sharing because I almost lost everything important by chasing the wrong things. My life used to look like a constant race against an invisible clock. I was driven by a relentless voice saying “not enough.” Not doing enough, achieving enough, or simply being enough.

This pursuit of “enough” is powerful for achievement, but ask anyone who’s lived this way long-term:

It is soul-crushing.

You spend years building external success

You wake up one day realizing you’ve been physically present but mentally absent for your children’s pivotal moments

You push yourself into burnout territory (I completely crashed six months after my surgery)

My wake-up call was realizing I believed that providing for my family was the most important thing, without understanding that being present in their lives was equally crucial.

The Values-First Framework

Traditional goal-setting starts with outcomes: lose weight, get the promotion, launch a business.

Values-first flips this entirely: identify what matters most to you as a human being, then design goals that serve those deeper commitments. The surprising part? This approach often leads to achieving the same external outcomes, just without the existential emptiness that typically follows.

Now, one of my personal rules is to never set goals disconnected from my core values. Because checking boxes on achievement lists isn’t the point of life, but living authentically according to what you actually care about is. Life is meant for connection, not just accomplishment.

Instead of chasing achievement, I obsess over alignment. This isn’t semantics, it’s a fundamental reorientation.

This simple shift creates a profound difference in sustainability. Here’s why:

Motivation becomes intrinsic: When actions connect to your deepest values, you’re driven by internal purpose, not external validation

Decision-making simplifies: When faced with competing priorities, your values provide a clear hierarchy

Resilience multiplies: External failures feel less devastating when your sense of worth isn’t tied solely to outcomes

Consistency becomes effortless: The activities that align with your values don’t require willpower - they’re expressions of who you are

I make sure every habit connects directly to my three core values: family, curiosity, and authenticity. When your habits reflect who you are at your core, discipline transforms from force of will to force of identity.

Values-First in Action:

Here’s what this looks like in practice: I’ve inverted my entire calendar. Instead of starting with work commitments and finding family time in the margins, I block family commitments first.

This forces me to:

Put family commitments on the calendar before work meetings (one constraint I set is that I never miss important family moments which, counterintuitively, made me ruthlessly efficient during work blocks)

Follow my curiosity daily through reading and learning (even if just for 15 minutes)

Check in with myself regularly: “Is this me, or am I falling into old patterns?”

Get better at saying no (Last month alone, I declined three "amazing opportunities" that the old me would have automatically accepted. Setting boundaries is uncomfortable but liberating. By the end of 2025, I want this to feel as natural as saying yes once did.)

The Counterintuitive Results

How’s it been going so far?

Here’s where it gets interesting. I’ve maintained consistency through circumstances that would have completely derailed me before:

• Launching an entirely new service line at work
• Supporting my kids’ increasingly demanding schedules
• Daily meditation practice (even if sometimes just 5 minutes)
• Exercising 4+ times weekly
• Journaling daily to stay grounded
• Managing the ever-present threat of falling back into “not enough” thinking

2025’s personal metrics so far:

• Daily meditation: 97% consistent
• Weekly exercise: 4+ sessions maintained
• Present family time: Quality over quantity

The most unexpected outcome? My professional output has actually increased while my working hours have decreased. When your entire life aligns with your values, you eliminate the exhausting cognitive dissonance that drains creative energy. When values lead, consistency follows naturally because your actions align with who you truly are, not with who you think you should be.

I’m not perfect, I am far from it. But I’m experiencing a groundedness I’ve never known before.

The Ongoing Struggle

I still battle two major challenges:

1. The seduction of overcommitment

The old voice still whispers that I should be doing more.

Just last week, an exciting speaking opportunity landed in my inbox. The old me would have immediately said yes. Instead, I paused and ran it through my values filter: Would accepting this mean missing my daughter’s swim meet? Yes. Decision made. The surprising part wasn’t the “no.” It was how clear and unconflicted I felt about it.

2. The overwhelm of building season

At the moment, I’m launching a new service line for my day job (going live in June), managing my kids’ packed schedules, maintaining my health routines, and continuing to heal old patterns.

When everything feels urgent, I return to my values hierarchy: family first, then curiosity and authenticity.

When the “not enoughs” start creeping in (and they still do - usually around 2 AM), I don’t fight them anymore. Instead, I’ve developed a specific protocol: 5 minutes of breathing, writing down what’s triggering the feeling, and explicitly reconnecting with my values. This doesn’t eliminate the feeling, but it contains it before it spirals.

The Real Measure of Success

For me, it is about being more present, more curious, and more authentically me.

With enough alignment to your deepest values, sustainability isn’t just possible instead, it becomes inevitable.

Your Turn: Take 5 minutes now to identify your 3 core values. Then ask yourself: “If these values led my decisions, what would I do differently tomorrow?”

The gap between your answer and your current calendar might reveal why certain goals feel like a constant struggle.

Are you ready to make this shift? To put values first and let goals follow?

If you’re feeling stuck in the hamster wheel of achievement without fulfillment, I can help.

In my “Art of Making it Last” program, we’ll:

Uncover your true core values (not what you think they should be)

Identify where your current actions and calendar are misaligned

Create a values-first framework that makes consistency natural, not forced

Develop practices to center yourself when the “not enoughs” creep in

​Click here to schedule a free Unlocking Solutions call, where we’ll explore how values-first living can transform both your productivity and your peace.

Stay Curious and Lead A Life of Purpose,

John